Thicker than Water

Quarter after nine.

Everything is wet from overnight showers. Out on the road, I had to skirt a big hole in the ground while watching for traffic. I’m glad my little trip is done for today, though I enjoyed seeing Cathy at the store. My sleep last night was troubled by unpleasant dream thoughts that don’t really translate to conscious thinking. I guess I’m just worried about small stuff, but I should probably call my sister to make sure she’s all right. I have no ingenuity to offer right now. I feel like a yo-yo swinging between church and my private notions of what’s what regarding ontology and cosmology. I don’t really believe in the idea of sin and the necessity for a savior. And while my beliefs make me feel happy, my life is very lonely. I feel more and more like an alien locally and on my blog even though I have red blood like everyone else… Church worship begins with confession and forgiveness, but if you don’t believe in sin, then there’s nothing to forgive and nothing to confess. Why should we feel humiliated with guilt and shame, cowering down to the invisible that is actually void? Human beings have a lot more potential than that…

One o’clock.

I’ve called Polly this morning and we talked for over an hour. I offered to have her call me in the evenings when she feels lonely. Like me, she spends a lot of time by herself and could use someone to talk to. And after all, she is family. 


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