Eleven ten at night.
The attitudes of old conservative people, particularly the ignorant ones, toward gay people really get on my nerves. And though I don’t say anything to them, it tunnels underground and wreaks havoc with my mental health. The Bible says, Be fruitful and multiply, so I guess that’s what they understand and try to impose on everyone else, but it’s truly none of their business how people live their personal lives. Actually, the Bible says a lot of unfortunate stuff, especially in the Old Testament, with Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis and the long list of rules in Leviticus, that condemn gay people to death; and to make matters worse, some Christians say that “sexual immorality” in the New Testament refers to homosexuality in the Old Testament, linking the whole thing together.
If only I could be Voltaire and raise consciousness for people in our time: raise you to reason and tolerance of what you don’t understand. If I could make us all philosophers, then the world would be more harmonious. We can choose between the primordial ooze and the light of knowledge; between stubborn prejudices and a new understanding of humanity.
Yet it seems like a losing proposition even as I write this post. Republicans will always be the same, and Democrats also. I don’t see why we can’t dispense with the old and form a new constitution— a new religion. The world needs new stories, a new mythology to help it along. We don’t need dystopian fictions because we’re living a dystopian nightmare as it is.
I propose a utopia based on the powers of human reason.
Quarter of midnight.
I was thinking and writing about how the USA has lost its balls, and I’m one of those people with no balls. My sister, an ignorant Puritan, heads my family; but sick of this, I’m taking my cue from James Joyce and taking charge of my life— even if I have to leave the country and go to the UK to live. I believe that where there’s a will there’s a way. It’s time for me to throw off this paralysis and take my life seriously. No more Anne Bradstreet BS after this. No more “abstinence is the best contraception.” If I don’t take action, then my balls are forever pulverized by a system that’s lost its soul. The nation is seriously messed up, never mind who is to blame. I will free myself from this stranglehold or I’ll die trying.
And no, I don’t endorse Donald Trump or any political party. This is strictly personal, my own observation after years of life in this country.
I believe in the pursuit of happiness and the liberty to do this.
Midnight. Jeff was a total prick. To hell with family dynamics! I don’t have to subordinate myself anymore. That used to be misery, having two self righteous bitchy people for siblings. I loathe them both. I guess I’m not much of a Christian to be so defiant. But you know, my siblings held me down and shat on my head. Pissed on my back. I don’t have to put up with that! Nobody ever has to be degraded like that. I stand for human dignity in high places and low alike. Everybody deserves respect. The homeless person who begs you for a cigarette even deserves to be listened to. Everyone has a story to tell, and that’s been my policy with every taxi driver who’s taken me someplace. I listen. It’s more important to listen than to speak. Failure to listen is a failure to learn. Apply the Golden Rule in communication: don’t I want to be listened to as well? That’s another wall I hit with my siblings. Nothing I said was ever worth hearing. So I would remind everyone that there’s no excuse for keeping others down. Everyone has a voice, everyone has a say. All who have been subjugated, take heart and take charge! Freedom and democracy will not fail! Do what you have to do in order to hear yourself think. There is no one so perfect that she or he may trample your rights. Self righteousness is all over the place. People think they know everything and you know nothing. But I say, empower yourself. Put aside the guilt and shame and start respecting yourself. The same sun shines on us all. On us all the same rain falls. To nature, we are all equal alike. Let our voices sound together in a symphony of change for the better!