Temporary

Ten o’clock.

I’ve been out of the house and seen several people this morning. It was late enough that Cathy was just starting her shift today and helped me at checkout. One of the card sliders had a problem, so I used the one that worked. For Aesop I bought a couple of dollars’ worth of chicken strips. I had to have my Snapple tea and something to eat for today. Coming back home, I stopped and said hi to Karen and Jessica at the salon. Karen announced that Jessica would be leaving in three weeks to go live with her family in a small Oregon town. Now it’ll just be Karen and Kim every week, and Kim works only part time. Home again, I read my mail: my primary care provider has left the practice “for personal reasons.” I had him for only one year and now I have to pick a new physician. People in autumn are often on the move, plus with Covid, they seem to leave their jobs at the drop of a hat. Also, Bi Mart is closing its pharmacy the first week in November, moving most customers to Walgreens up the road in Santa Clara. The only thing that stays the same is change itself. It is wet outside; the rain will probably start again at around eleven o’clock. I used to have a memory that operated in cycles, but with my Vraylar, the present time is what it is without the undertones of the past. Still, I can abstract a few general ideas of events that are happening right now, and it seems that people pass through turnstiles, connecting with each other only temporarily. But one thing that doesn’t go away is the persistence of mental illness. And hunger never goes out of style. 

Realism

Five forty.

It was beautiful and mild yesterday before noon, with white cloud puffs in the blue sky. I took a taxi to Bi Mart, where I picked out a new pair of Rustler blue jeans and paid at the pharmacy checkout. Sherri helped me with the purchase. My tappable rewards card worked like a charm, and it seems like a perk of being sober to have fewer financial problems. I feel pretty lucky for that. When I got back out of the door, I decided spontaneously to walk home as the day was so pleasant. My path took me past Grocery Outlet and the Hawaiian restaurant on the left, a strip mall across on the right, and then the old high school. I went by the construction site of the new high school also, where they’ve put up one enormous room like a gymnasium so far. An extension is being built onto that. I noticed how incredibly high the crane was, off in the distance to the south of the site. But other than for this observation my head was quite vacant all the way home. Vaguely I was thankful for the cooler weather for the summer and hopeful for no repetition of what happened last year. We could still use a good rain around here… Right now, the little store is open, though it’s before the dawn and the sky is still gray. I’m in no hurry to go out this morning, and I feel like reading a few pages of my Plotinus. I wonder if The One can be interpreted as being the same as God? Probably the terms don’t matter too much. As it grows more light outdoors, the sky is still gray anyway due to overcast. And what is there back of the sky? Is it just a gray flat surface hiding another round dimension?

Six fifty. My dreams last night were quite realistic, in the sense of poverty and adversity. Vicki made an appearance, and also Deb, from the same old convenience store as ever. I just remembered about the food pantry at the church; maybe I can volunteer there again soon? Life goes on, and so does hunger…