Nightmare

Nine thirty. I had a nightmare about making a midnight run for beer. I was backing out of my driveway in my old Nissan truck. The clock on the dash said 1:05am and I couldn’t get the gear into drive. The engine stalled—and I woke up. So the store was already closed. My truck was stuck in the middle of the street and everyone would know what I was up to. Like a little crime I was trying to get away with. Busted! The guilt was the worst part. And the apprehension everybody used to feel because of my addiction. The nightmare was bad, but also good in an instructive way. No one would want to see me drink again. It seems that alcoholism is a terrible lizard that never completely dies, though it can be reduced down to a cute baby alligator. Just don’t feed him, particularly after midnight.

Late Afternoon

Four o’clock 🕓. Aesop keeps indicating the front door with the anticipation of pleasure, but I have to tell him that the mail is not bringing him any treats today. I think I’ll give him another bone from the package stored away in the pantry. The temperature in the house has surpassed 73 degrees, making me a little giddy… I gave Aesop a new bone, so now he’s in bliss, of course. I feel like a reverse Mother Hubbard, for the cupboard was not bare, and the dog actually got something.

Five twenty five. My imagination for writing posts has run dry for the present. Everyone seems to be busy worrying about the virus or something. Blogging is not what it used to be. Maybe it’s time to go back to Distributed Proofreaders and do some volunteering. I’ve been doing WordPress for almost four years and it’s getting kind of old. I should just follow my feelings to determine the next move. Everything is stalemated by the circumstance of the coronavirus, so it’s hard to know what to do. Meanwhile I continue to age a little more every day. When I lie down, sometimes I feel how fragile my life is. My heart could stop beating, I could stop breathing; one of my systems could fail, and I could die on the spot. Something keeps me going, perhaps mind over matter, or maybe there’s a spiritual component to human existence; I don’t know. But I need an activity to keep me occupied, especially when the world is at a standstill. It is not the end of the world, but people are acting as if it were. The sun keeps on shining day after day while we hunker down in terror. We’re not making much sense. Or perhaps people have better things to do than blog nowadays? And maybe I don’t blame them.