Footnote (“Shingle Street”)

Nine twenty.

I totally botched the lyric to the Dolby song, plus it refers to something historical that I have no familiarity with. Of course a British person would recognize it in a heartbeat. Even worse, a British person will know American history better than we do over here. The song I tried to cite was “Cloudburst at Shingle Street,” the lyric to which is available on the internet. 

Trains

Midnight hour.

I went back and reviewed my emails to my friend over the past month and determined the reason for our split: I simply quit compromising with her worldview, like I showed with the illustration of the train plowing impetuously through the country in Thoreau’s Walden. Now I don’t know if I want to repair the damage to our friendship or not. I must’ve felt that I was hindered by our relationship somehow, so I needed to shake it off and just get on with my life.

But keep in mind that a train can be derailed.

Right now I’m leaning toward offering an apology to her and trying to start over again. Our friendship will be changed after this, but it’s better to maintain a bridge than to burn it. 

Mike and Ron and Me / Windows

Eleven thirty. Band practice with Mike and Ron went really great. Once we got warmed up, we fell into a groove pocket together and made some progress. Being in that zone is what music is all about. We incorporated influences from King Crimson and Led Zeppelin, and worked on a Nirvana song. Ron played a three keyboard setup this time for a larger palette of sounds. Mike added a tambourine to his drum kit. The bass I used was very simple and traditional, a Fender Precision, but with extra punch from the Omega bridge. I enjoyed messing around with “The Mincer” by King Crimson… We jammed for two and a half hours. The weather was good for my pilgrimage over to Mike’s house; mostly sunny and nearly fifty degrees. Right now there’s a light rain on the back patio cover. Pastor wrote me a thoughtful reply to my email from last night, and said I should probably apologize to my friend for a disagreement on politics. I’ll have to turn it over in my mind a little before I decide. No truth is ever very cut and dried, especially the deeper you think about it. Only ten days remain until the inauguration of Joe Biden. Rather than a rerun of history, I hope for general advancement in the future. The future may seem like a blind wall, but really it’s a window. 

Apology of a Blogger

Three twenty. Most of my followers on WordPress won’t be able to comprehend the scholarly language I used in the above paragraphs. The fact is that I know a great deal about psychology and psychiatry from firsthand experience in the clinic. I often take this knowledge for granted. Therefore I can’t expect many likes on my post. But that’s not the reason I put it on my blog. I did it for me… Indeed I take my intelligence and wisdom for granted, forgetting how others may lack the same background as myself. For this and other oversights I offer my apologies.

Apology

Eleven twenty. One of my followers removed a like from the last post. My guess is that he was offended. What I wrote there is very revealing about me but also insightful to the origins of gayness. My former supervisor fit into this model, himself being gay and close to his mother, very well. It’s the classic theory, which doesn’t get the same approval from the public anymore. I only adhere to the theory because I choose to be straight in spite of it. This is why I insist on indeterminism, or at least a belief in free will in the face of Freud…

Even while I argue thus, I’m aware that I had the same thoughts about a year ago, so the time of year with its seasonal cues is triggering me to think a certain way. Such a trigger is far from a-causal, though it is cyclical as opposed to linear. The seasons go round in a circle, and memories accumulate in layered transparencies. What we recollect can drive our behavior unconsciously until we catch ourselves. The important thing in whatever we do is to have insight into it. Only when we see may we act freely and wisely.