Quarter after ten.
I’m glad for my warm and cozy home. The word indolence comes to mind, meaning both painlessness and languor. My dog had his breakfast at eight o’clock, plus a snack of beef jerky after my trip to market. I could say life is hard, but only if you ask for too much. Other things take time to develop… I feel kind of strange lately. But, no two days resemble each other for me. I remember a Mexican woman who had difficulty believing that I had gone to college because of the illness. Before group sessions, I would tease her about sharing with others. I said, “Compartir?” She shook her head and said, “Compartir, no, no.” That was five years ago. Generally, it was a rather sad time for me. The room where group met had high windows with a view across the street and of the sky. During the talk around me, I would gaze out and see planes floating overhead, never missing a word. In a way it was kind of serene. But I don’t think of it often anymore, just as I don’t dwell on the silly Dawn Powell book I read at the time. I realized I was being steered by people in ways that didn’t necessarily benefit me. You either drive yourself or be driven by others. But if you abdicate control, it was still your choice to do so.