Nine ten.
Today I feel very lightheaded and dodgy from insomnia and my medications. I decided not to go to church. Maybe that’s why I didn’t sleep last night. It’s a big mess for me that I’m trying to get out of. I don’t want to put pressure on myself to do anything, especially if it’s something I don’t want to do. There’s a limit to duty and conscience. Whatever, I’m staying home today. Aesop is all upset about something and keeps bugging me. I remember again what my horoscope said a decade ago: that guilt is my Achilles’ Heel. And it’s something that people use to control me, manipulate, exploit, etc etc. I think I’m at the end of my rope with the church and I’m so damn tired; I just want to stay home and rest. When I was in high school I was in a very similar situation with the school band class, and the teacher was hard to get along with. I found myself doing lots of things I didn’t want to do just to please others— a practice that backfires eventually and takes a toll on your health. The proverb “to thine own self be true” can’t be overstressed. Your well-being depends on it, your peace of mind, and your happiness. Any other way is just a trap.
robgradens 