Games People Play

Eleven thirty at night.

I’ve been dreaming about the devil in his role as deceiver, the one who trips you up and does you in. It’s a mystery why such a Christian dream should keep occurring to me. Does it mean I ought to go to church again? In my opinion, you can be a good Christian without church involvement, which is what Kierkegaard partly had to say. The church I used to attend expected that you tithe when you could, but I can’t afford to give away money anymore. I’m on a fixed budget that allows no extras, not even a car to get around town. Financially, I’ll never get ahead, and that’s fine with me as long as I have free time to think like a natural human being. I spent five years as a data entry slave, typing in alpha-numerals that were meaningless to me, oiling the machine with weekend binges, and hating life. Towards the end of my job, I figured out their game and started winning at it. At the agency meetings and when a prize was raffled off, I would come out the winner, and then give it away to somebody. The game turned out to be a shallow and silly one, something for children. A coworker told me I had outgrown the workplace, and before long I left that job. I guess all jobs are transitory things. Even a church can be a thing you use up and move on from. Sometimes a smart person ends up with nowhere to go until the next big change. And sometimes he learns that he constitutes the big changes himself… 

One thought on “Games People Play

  1. Would it be too obvious and boring to say that Yeshua ben Yosef is reported to have said ” The kingdom of heaven is within you”? I take that to mean that Satan and his opposite are internal, not external, forces that we must face and grapple with, and that his advice to ” pray in your closet” would be a lot more effective than doing so in a group setting. But different strokes for different folks. Some members of my family need the comfort of gathering with the like-minded to express their devotion and contrition. But I enjoy my solitude so perhaps my position is merely self-serving.

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