Sanctum from the Abyss

Being honest, sometimes I really miss my dad and my mother too. I almost miss him more than her, maybe because his identity was so mysterious; he never talked about his feelings and thoughts for fear of betraying a weakness or two. I feel as if I knew nothing about my dad, and the only clue I have is my own interior experience that might resemble his. And quite often, my behavior is a lot like my dad’s, though more informed than he was. Perhaps he just wasn’t good at self expression; maybe he was inarticulate. Looking back, Mom definitely had the aesthetic type of personality, almost exclusive of ethics, and religion even more so. But my dad was different from her, though it’s very difficult to nail down. Was he just clueless? Sort of a bovine person— like a particular character I can think of in a Faulkner book? One thing I know about him is that he liked his comfort and security. He didn’t take risks, and drank in moderation every evening to unwind. In this regard he was very much like a Faulkner character. The world was a threatening place to him, absurd and chaotic, so he set up his home like a haven against the crazy world outside. And every novel by Faulkner is similar to his worldview.


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