Decisions

Eleven thirty.

“Those who know what’s best for us / Must rise and save us from ourselves.” Maybe there’s more I can do for my church, and maybe there isn’t. Lacking faith in Jesus Christ, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. The problems we’re having are human problems and have nothing to do with the divine. What’s the responsible thing for me to do? Should I just resign from the church and be done with it? This would make two of us who want to leave. The wheels are coming off of everything, so it seems. No one bothers to make each other happy. Instead, we harbor resentments and give each other hell. But everyone knows the problems; can anyone offer solutions? Does it really help us to believe Jesus will come down from heaven to end life on earth as we know it, or should we take responsibility for our future together and do something practical? Whether we acknowledge it or not, we really are free and responsible for what happens to us and our world, so it makes no sense to defer this responsibility to a Holy Spirit that nobody can see. Throughout human history, there has only been humanity making decisions and acting on them. Some people propose reading the Bible as history. But why don’t we see miracles happening in our time the same way as in the Bible? Yet I observe myself falling into the same trap of arguing with someone on WordPress, when nobody cares anymore anyway. The discussion is pointless. I think I’ll resign from the church and stop worrying about it. The worst part of it is the feeling of indecision, but this has been going on for over two years. Facing myself now, it was always me with a problem, a crisis of faith, perhaps. I don’t know anymore. It’s totally up to me to terminate my relationship with the parish for good. After that, maybe I won’t have anything left to say. 

4 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. Would it be foolish of me to ask whether or not you find value in the myths from antiquity on an allegorical level? Isn’t existence itself a “miracle”? Forgive my naivety for asking.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. It reminds me of an old song by Supertramp called “The Logical Song:” “When I young, it seemed that life was so wonderful / A miracle / Oh it was beautiful, magical / And all the birds in the trees / They would be singing so happily / Oh joyfully / Oh playfully watching me.” The rest of the song is about his education and how this corrupted his nature. I imagine that you’ve heard it before. It’s one of my favorite songs. From Breakfast in America, 1979.

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      1. I love that song too.
        I came across this when I was trying to please my Mormon relatives by joining their cult, but hating every minute of it. It’s from Gibbon’s Rise and Fall of ( &etc.) : ” But as every act of dissimulation must be painful to an ingenuous spirit, the profession of Christianity increased the aversion of Julian for a religion which oppressed the freedom of his mind, and compelled him to hold a conduct repugnant to the noblest attributes of human nature – sincerity and courage.”

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