Quarter after nine.

I’m being picked up for church in a half hour. Feeling skeptical about it, as I usually do. I guess I’m skeptical about a lot of things. This is normal for me.

Three o’clock.

And so I went to church like I was supposed to, but the medication desensitized me to everything spiritual and religious. This is what I told Pastor when we talked for a minute after service, and I know it’s the truth. We sang a dark sounding kyrie hymn but I didn’t feel particularly moved by the music. I can’t experience either the light or dark side of religious faith anymore due to the Vraylar. My mindset is wholly realistic today, with nothing at all fantastic or metaphysical going on. But what am I supposed to do? I can’t stop taking my medication just to have a religious life. Frankly I feel quite comfortable on Vraylar at this dose and I’d rather not change it. There’s nothing really wrong with the way I think or process information. If anything, maybe the church pastor and parish have a screw loose… The rain restarted at about two thirty this afternoon and will keep on until six o’clock. I feel just fine. I may have to resign from the church, depending on how it goes after today. I understand that resignation is something that can be done. Probably it’s for the best if I do so, but I’ll give it another try next weekend. 


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