Quarter of six.
Raining right now. I might not stay up very long. I figured out that I’m depressed about the band I was in. I would’ve liked to keep playing with them, but their habits posed a barrier I couldn’t get around. It was a no win situation, so I did the best thing for my sobriety.
Eight twenty. It’s very wet outside. The sky is gray. Today feels like more of an open door, or a fresh start for my music if I try hard. In the beginning it takes hope.
Another possibility is that I put too much pressure on myself rather than just rolling with it.
Nine twenty. I went to the store in the light rain, no umbrella but a jacket with a hood. I saw a few older guys inside and in the parking lot, probably just a coincidence to see them all at once. I barely felt like I was there. Right now it’s cosy in the house with the rain coming down outdoors. I really have been too hard on myself, for I realize that other people don’t criticize me like I do. I’ll try to give myself better messages. I kind of liked seeing those older guys buying beer at nine o’clock in the morning. Even if I can’t drink, it’s still nice to be in a liberal place where it’s okay to feel good… Aesop just saw a Snapple bottle move apparently of its own volition, which was really only gravity. I tell him there are no ghosts but he’s not convinced. Many people are similar: they add something metaphysical to phenomena that isn’t necessary… A man from a roofing company parked in front of Lenore’s house and greeted me with a how are you. Without thinking I said I was good. Last night, Lenore’s dog barked for hours because she had gone away and left her. Now, the squirrels chatter as if they were taking over the backyard. The rain is general in the City of Eugene.