Quarter after four.
So that: what I really miss now is the old elixir of beer and wine, and maybe not so much the people I used to know. And yet I know there are a million reasons why I shouldn’t drink again. The most obvious one is its impact on my personal finances; my money tends to magically disappear when I use alcohol. Also my health would go down the tubes, and psychologically it takes me to some awfully dark places, like living a Herman Melville book… I would only become chemically dependent again, have withdrawals, and at the same time the schizophrenia would grow worse. Now I wonder what happened to precipitate my thoughts about alcohol. Probably there’s a connection with my rock band of these cravings. One of the other guys was keen on a few decadent poets, so out of curiosity I looked them up. I think I’ll let him have the Kerouac book I just bought. Moreover, I might seriously consider leaving the band for a healthier situation… Time flies. Hard to believe it’s July, and the day is sunny yet quite mild. It’s a beautiful summer’s day. I could go for a big root beer from the little store, something really sweet, cold, and wet.
Quarter of six. I waltzed over to the market and bought a two liter of A&W root beer while the weather was perfect. Cathy and JR were working this evening, she at the register and he making ice. Reflecting on it now, it’s true that alcohol increases love desire for people, as Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth. It even imbues people with qualities they may not actually possess. It’s interesting to be a sober observer of life’s drunken drama. I stopped at the salon coming home and had a chocolate donut with Karen and Jessica. Karen told me that Kim is coming back to work toward the end of the month, doing one day a week. Also Karen is able again to serve people in the senior home on Mondays. And she said her husband is doing well… Then I came home. I didn’t notice much else along the way. Now I think it should be fascinating to read my Thomas Hardy books because of the element of alcoholism and its relation to his fatalistic worldview.