Six thirty 🕡. Only ten more minutes to sit here waiting. Okay, so playing the green bass did something to my mood today. It disturbed the dust of old memories and feelings. Can I overcome this? Or will I have to stop playing that axe? What made me pick it up again in the first place?
Eight thirty 🕣. I just got back from church. It went merely okay, but it was nice to chat with R— after it was over. We had only four singers this time; I was the sole guy. Some people are talking the end of the world due to the pandemic, but I try to be optimistic about the future. It would be awfully weird if we were the chosen ones to see the apocalypse, right? It would be psychotic to believe such a thing, wouldn’t it? And yet I had a dream once about being in church and witnessing Armageddon. The sanctuary was packed with people, and I had a conversation with our musician’s wife. I don’t know what we talked about. But anyway, the eschatology stuff scares me because maybe I’m not chosen for the New Jerusalem; perhaps I’m destined for the pit. My dream was very strange but vivid. Still I hope against hope that God is not real and not coming back to judge the living and the dead. It would be just too bizarre for my sanity, for the parameters of reason and sense. Has the world gone crazy? Or maybe it’s only me.