Nine fifty five. A cool and cloudy morning. I wore my rain jacket to the store. My body feels stiff and terrible because I’ve run out of gabapentin. Tomorrow, Bi Mart for sure. I’ll try to be present for the Zoom church coffee hour today. It’s difficult when I don’t feel well. I feel old and that much closer to the margin of death. I notice it when I overdose on caffeine. At any moment my heart could stop or I could have a stroke. Maybe I have hypochondria. But I know that I don’t feel the same as I did a year ago. Sometimes it hits me that my behavior is similar to my mother’s. I don’t know why I take after her so much; did I learn by observation, or is it genetics? I also think about my neighbors to the other side. I used to go over there to chat with the man until he tried to get involved in my therapy. I feel bad about ignoring them now, but it seemed like a dangerous situation for me. These days I have no idea what they’re up to.
It’s a lazy Sunday so far, and even Aesop is not in a hurry to do anything. I was further thinking that church is a good place for getting a moral education, if you don’t have one already. The metaphysics of Christ will always be problematic for me, but I can agree with the ethical part. Some people are ferociously opposed to religion for personal reasons, but my objections to it are strictly logical. If it doesn’t make sense, then so be it. Sense to my dog is getting his breakfast on time.