Al Que Quiere

Seven thirty. My agency experiences in retrospect were actually quite fascinating. And to think I’ve lived this long and gone back to the same old place. Dominic has worked there for a long time. He and Alice and Vern all worked in employment. I guess I really was much different back then. I was a lot more of a narcissist. I believed the world revolved around me, and it was a function of alcoholism. Today I’m more like myself as a sixth grader; no overinflated ego anymore. My self concept is more realistic, so I guess I’m overcoming the narcissism. I was only a superstar as long as I was drinking, and that was purely subjective. Now I want to take the reality of my capacities and do something good with them. I deem myself good at communication; maybe this above all. And of course the purpose of language is communication, plain and clear. Well, poetry is a different matter. And it too has a place. But I think I’m better at keeping things clear and simple. The best communicator is the one who expresses difficult thoughts in simple terms for everyone to understand. I was a master of this when I was about twenty. My very first job was writing abstracts for a clearinghouse of articles on educational policy. The documents I had to summarize were boring and insipid, but I did my best on them. Indeed I made the docs sound more interesting than they really were. After being forced out of that job, I never really found another one I liked, or which suited me. Perhaps now, without the booze, my fortunes will turn. My personality has done a turnaround since I quit drinking. And the Vraylar helps me fight the delusions. I feel okay now with being ordinary. Don’t need to be famous or celebrated. All I need is a sane existence in relative comfort, and with friends.

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