A Gainful Loss

What a loss, and what regrets! Kate and I could’ve lived together in my Pleasure Dome home— except for the ineluctable responsibility for T—, her autistic boy. Kate wanted to be selfish and enjoy her love life, and I did too, but T— was the hurdle. It was really a terrible situation for me to be in, full of lust and selfish pleasure. What valuable lessons did I learn from the experience? Probably that sensuality is misguided and unjust. Plato believed so, and it still is true. Christians would call it wickedness (as opposed to righteousness). Kate and I flirted with something rather evil, especially so because of the element of T—: so innocent. Kate finally made the right decision and dedicated herself to being a mother. And I wandered off to join the church. I suppose we were both penitent after being so irresponsible.

Oh but how much fun we had together, particularly with the music! I remember receiving her package with four CDs in it, including Roxy Music and Bryan Ferry; also Queen and Kate Bush. That was in October or November of 2011. Night would fall so early, but I was so comfortable and blissful with my beers and the emails Kate batted with me every day. Life was beautiful! At last I had a friend I could trust and even love after my crummy experiences with my family. I even considered moving to Scotland to be with Kate. Was it all a pipe dream? I had never been so fortunate in friendship before, couldn’t believe my incredible luck. Kate showed me kindness where, before, I had been mistreated and misunderstood. I can remember it now. Kate gave of herself to me, and I like to think she got something from me as well. Alcoholic or not, I loved her the best I could at the time. Our paths diverged around the juncture I decided to get sober. Still I count Kate among the best friends I ever had because of how she turned my life around at such a critical point.

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